


one step at a time; soonhoon

by chweseoul



Series: seventeen ship shots [15]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: (for seungcheol dw), ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Dancer Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Dom Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Dry Humping, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Grinding, Healthy Relationships, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Riding, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Top Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, a little bit, best friends jicheol, but its good and wholesome and, gay joshua lol, i forgot abt that, i forgot i did that oops, i love them, i write a lot of kissing, jeongcheol - Freeform, jeongcheol got issues, jihoon has commitment issues, jihoon is really good to soonyoung tho, jihoon makes soonyoung look after himself, kinddaaa, mature for part 6 bc theres some actual full blown smut, minor commitment issues, not beta read we die like men, not multiple chapters but its split up, ok, only once tho so enjoy it, producer jihoon, seokmin is wholesome, sojung from that one gg, soonyoung is lonely, the rest is pg 13, there's a lot here lol, there's no real dom, there's one (1) time when they actually do school work lmaoooo, they're in parts but also not, u kno, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 02:36:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chweseoul/pseuds/chweseoul
Summary: when jihoon first moved to seoul to study music he didn’t expect to meet the beautiful shining star that is kwon soonyoung, nor did he expect to fall in love.when soonyoung started studying dance in seoul he didn’t expect to be taught how to love himself while falling for the one who taught him.





	one step at a time; soonhoon

**Author's Note:**

> a/n the smut (part 6) was painful to write as i’ve literally never written it before and i’m pretty sure it sucks ass (lmao) but it’s also over 2k so ??? also i have added such unnecessary complexity to them, entirely based off of my own individual struggles so if you’re looking for an easy, lighthearted fic, this isn’t it. furthermore i would like to thank the rose and the black skirts for guiding me through this fic with their music and my friend alina for listening to me rant and have a whole breakdown plus giving me a whole lot of inspiration for how to handle your friends having a breakdown (thus fueling jihoons mental stability.) oh and thanks to uh myself for being mentally unstable and channeling that into kpop boys :))

**part 1: new beginnings. **

“yes mom,” jihoon hums into the phone as the bus passes a couple of cute cafes, “i’m sure,”

“but you’ve never been there before, how do you know it’s trustworthy hm?” she persters further, they’ve had this discussion already.

jihoon sees his stop flash up on the little computer monitor and he urgently presses the button to his side,

“mom, i need to get off the bus now, i’ll call you when i get there okay?”

they say their goodbyes and jihoon promises to call her when he gets home even though a part of him knows he’ll forget, but that’s a problem for later. he grabs his suitcase which is sitting between his legs and adjusts the backpack on his shoulders before he gets up and walks to the doors. the bus rides for a moment longer, jihoon checks out in advance. as he goes to place his wallet back in his pocket his glasses slip down his nose and he readjusts them, accidentally dropping his wallet in the process. a soft curse leaves his lips as he bends down to pick it up, but a stranger beats him to it.

“here you go.” the boy smiles at him, eyes turning to crescents and teeth poking out slightly, as he hands jihoon the leather wallet. jihoon accepts it gratefully with both hands, bowing slightly to the other male.

“thank you.” he says, the boy smiles some more.

“i like that band too.” he nods in jihoons direction, and with that, the doors open and the boy steps out of the bus, smiling goodbye to jihoon.

jihoon steps out as well, looking down at himself before his eyes land on the shinee pin situated on his backpack strap. jihoons lips tug into a small smile before he shrugs and fishes for his phone, looking up the rest of the directions.

\---

“so, here’s the key, and here’s a copy of all the paperwork, we’ll send you notices but it’s expected that you pay your rent before we send a notice for it,” the woman at the desk continues on talking for another two minutes or so. jihoon just nods along to it all, giving a small hum of understanding when he finds it necessary. once she’s done, jihoon bows and thanks her, finally heading upstairs.

the apartment building is large, a lot larger than jihoon truly anticipated. he doesn’t mind though. he’s happy to have scored an apartment in such a nice area for an affordable price. he hopes that his neighbours aren’t entirely insufferable. he hopes that _he _isn’t entirely insufferable. jihoon’s aware that he’s not the most well known for playing nice. but this is a new city, a new opportunity. it’s different now.

his apartment is on the third floor, the elevator ride isn’t too long (and it works which is already a bonus). the walk to his door is quick as well, only 4 doors down from the elevator. he feels like that’s gonna come in handy when seungcheol decides to get drunk at his place. at least it’ll be a quick walk to his own apartment.

he places the key inside the lock and takes a deep breath, “okay jihoon-ah, here we go”

\---

it takes about a month before all of his extra furniture and belongings arrive at his apartment. jihoon does his best to decorate but he needs to invite seungcheol over more than twice to get his advice on where to put the coffee table (and to help him build a shelf but we don’t talk about that). seungcheol’s a great help, unexpectedly. he moved to seoul a year before jihoon did and was already settled in nicely. jihoon wouldn’t ever say it to his face but he misses seungcheol’s daegu accent.

seungcheol doesn’t live alone though. he lives with another guy, joshua, an american exchange student who speaks softly but can make the most gruesome jokes depending how under the influence he is. jihoon’s also already met seungcheol’s girlfriend. a pretty girl with short blonde hair, sojung, she’s from busan as well. jihoon likes her and she’s more than lovely to him. he also meets joshua’s best friend; jeonghan. their friendship came as a surprise to jihoon to say the least. they’re almost inverted, jeonghan’s crude humour is nothing like joshua’s wholesome personality. but jeonghan becomes more than cuddly and emotional when he’s had enough to drink.

jihoon’s always been more of an observer than anything else. and he can tell there’s something untold between jeonghan and seungcheol. but he doesn’t mention it. seungcheol’s his best friend, if there was something worth mentioning, it would have been mentioned. besides seungcheol looks more than content with sojung. jeonghan is a whole other story.

seungcheol’s always been sensitive concerning boys. jihoon can tell that there’s a part of seungcheol that looks at them too long, a part of seungcheol that’s always yearned to experience more but he’s too afraid. jihoon’s known seungcheol for the majority of his life, he knows seungcheol which is why he knows that discussing boys is off the table. and that’s partly why jihoon still hasn’t come out to the elder boy.

which is what makes joshua all the more interesting.

“hey guys, sorry i’m late.” joshua apologises gently as he steps into seungcheol’s apartment, jihoon holds the door open.

“its okay, where were you?” seungcheol asks from the kitchen as he slices some onions, jeonghan close by his side, preparing some noodles.

“ah seokmin called me earlier today, he wanted to go out shopping and who am i to deny him? we ended up staying out later than i anticipated.” joshua explains, him and jihoon moving into the kitchen as well. joshua slides up on to the island and jihoon gets him a drink.

“who’s seokmin?” jihoon asks cautiously, he’s never heard that name before. he takes the bottle of coke out from the fridge to pour joshua a glass.

“oh, my boyfriend.” joshua smiles, jihoon’s pouring stops and his eyes flick over to seungcheol who seems completely unfazed by the word boyfriend.

“oh,” jihoon swallows, “okay.”

joshua looks momentarily worried and a little weary when he accepts the glass from jihoon, “you good with that?”

“yes.” he says, way too quickly for it to be normal, but it’s already out now, “more than okay, i don’t care about that stuff.”

joshua smiles and observes jihoon for a moment longer, an unknown glint in his eye. jihoon looks away before it gets to him.

“yah! you’re supposed to cut them thinner, do you want me to choke?!” jeonghan exclaims suddenly, nudging seungcheol who glares and sticks his tongue out at jeonghan.

everything's okay and normal again, but jihoon can’t help but feel a bit shaken.

\---

**part 2: old, new and too many, faces.**

jihoon pulls his airpods from his ears as he steps into the university restaurant. he slips them into his case and pats them into his pocket, grabbing his wallet at the same time.

the restaurant has so many options that jihoon struggles to choose most of the time, so he grabs a serving of tteokbokki, kimchi fried rice and a couple pieces of chicken. he gets an iced coffee as well before heading to the register to pay.

“that’ll be 17,000 won please.” the lady at the register says and jihoon slips the money from his wallet, handing it to her and muttering a soft ‘thank you’ before walking off.

he looks around the canteen area for a moment, scanning for an open seat when he meets eyes with joshua who lights up at the sight of him. joshua extends his arm out and waves jihoon over and who is jihoon to deny his hyung.

“jihoon!” joshua exclaims when jihoon reaches the table.

“shua hyung.” he says bowing his head to joshua before looking at the stranger next to him.

“jihoon, this is seokmin, i told you about him right?” joshua introduces and jihoon bows to seokmin as well.

“yes, it’s nice to meet you seokmin-ssi.” jihoon says politely.

“you too.” seokmin smiles brightly, extending a hand for jihoon to shake. which jihoon accepts after placing his food down.

“i’m lee jihoon, born in 1996, music major.” jihoon introduces further, sitting down after joshua gave him a pointed look.

“wow really? im lee seokmin, born in 1997, you’re older than me it seems,” he smiles again, “i’m also a music major, i’m surprised i haven’t seen you before.”  


“ah, well i take a lot of online classes so i’m not on campus often.” jihoon explains and seokmin nods.

“he and seungcheol are really close, they’ve known each other since grade school.” joshua adds, eating some of seokmins bibimbap. the raven haired boy doesn’t pay it any mind.

“oh really? that’s so cool. seungcheol hyung has mentioned a friend from busan before. but you seem a lot more mature and manly than seungcheol hyung described. he always said that his friend was, and quote, ‘like a little marshmallow fairy’” seokmin laughs and joshua rolls his eyes.

  
“ah, well i’m the only one he keeps in touch with so that ought to be me, i’ll be having a word with him about that.” jihoon says pretty seriously and seokmin looks momentarily worried. but before he can say anything more another voice cuts in.

“shua hyung! seokmin-ah!”

jihoon looks behind him to see a boy with red hair jogging lightly over to them, once he reaches the table he halts and looks at jihoon for a moment, “hello stranger.”

jihoon stands to bow, but the stranger stops him with a hand on his shoulder, “hey! you’re bus boy!”

jihoon frowns and his mouth falls open in confusion, he observes the boy for a bit longer and-

_“here you go.”_

_“thank you.” _

“oh! i remember you.” jihoon bows and the other boy stops him, muttering about how that’s unnecessary, making him sit down and joining them at the table. jihoon doesn’t remember the boy having red hair.

“you two know each other?” seokmin asks, glancing between them.

“nah,” the boy says, “not really, but we’ve encountered each other before. oh, i’m soonyoung by the way!”

jihoon nods, “jihoon. first year, 1996.”

soonyoung lights up, “we’re the same age! i’m also a first year, dance major.”  


jihoon smiles lightly, “music, do you maybe know wen junhui-ssi? chinese exchange student, we have a class together, he mentioned that he majors in dance.”

soonyoung nods brightly, “i do! jun hyung, he’s minoring in music, i hope he’s not too annoying, he’s got a big mouth sometimes.” soonyoung tuts, unwrapping his sandwich.

“no actually, he’s really quiet. i was worried he didn’t like me.” jihoon responds, thinking back about junhui.

joshua clears his throat from across the table, “um hello?”

soonyoung laughs as jihoon turns red laughing nervously, “sorry shua hyung.”

joshua shakes his head, “i’m happy you get along, i was going to invite soonyoung to cheol’s get together this weekend.”

jihoon hums, eating some of his tteokbokki, “you can invite junhui-ssi if you want.”

soonyoung raises an eyebrow at him, “really? would seungcheol hyung not mind?”

“it’s being held at my place, so it doesn’t matter if he cares.” jihoon says simply, the table laughing in return.

“cool, thanks jihoon-ssi.” soonyoung beams.

jihoon’s eyes meet with soonyoungs and his heart falters for a moment, “just jihoon is okay.”

\---

seungcheol hangs out at jihoon’s apartment pretty often. he does his assignments while jihoon works on some songs. they’ve always worked together like this. it’s always been comfortable between them. seungcheol used to come over to jihoon’s house back when they lived in busan as well. jihoon’s mom would usher seungcheol inside and feed him something before seungcheol would make his way to jihoons mess of a bedroom. sometimes he’d just sit down on the floor and not even greet jihoon, just get his work out and start on it. they always had an unspoken agreement between them. sometimes jihoon felt as if they could read each other's thoughts.

so when seungcheol continues to come over to jihoon’s place, jihoon doesn’t bat an eye at it.

“jihoon-ah, do you want a drink?” seungcheol asks as he stands up, cracking a couple of joints. jihoon would have cringed at the sound if he wasn’t so preoccupied.

“i’m okay, thanks.” jihoon mutters back, typing away at his music theology essay. he’s been working on this one paragraph for almost an hour and he’s really starting to get sick of it.

_“who’s seokmin?” _

_“oh, my boyfriend.”_

jihoon sighs loudly, his head falling onto the desk. why the fuck was this bothering him so much? it’s not like he has a problem with joshua’s boyfriend, god he's only met the guy once.

“uh, you okay?” seungcheol asks

jihoon stares over at seungcheol standing in the doorway with the glass of water in his hand. why does seungcheol not have a problem with joshua’s boyfriend?

“did you know that joshua hyung was gay?”

and it’s out. jihoon couldn’t even stop himself before spluttering the stupid question out.

seungcheol tenses a little, he bites his lip “yeah, of course, he told me when he moved in.”

“and you have no problem with it?” jihoon asks, sounding a little more surprised than he probably would have liked to.

“do you have a problem with it?” seungcheol’s voice drops and his tone is accusatory. jihoon’s never heard him talk like that before.

“no!” he says, again too quickly, “but you always seemed, i don’t know, weird about that kinda stuff”

jihoon plays with his fingers, looking down from seungcheol.

“jihoon. look, i-”

“i’m gay” jihoon mutters, interrupting seungcheol.

“wh-what?” seungcheol gapes at him, mouth open like a fish.

“i said,” jihoon breathes, “i’m gay. i’ve known for a long time but i just haven’t told you because you seemed uncomfortable with it.”  


“oh.” seungcheol says, sitting down at his laptop. he stares at it for a moment, the room deathly quiet, “small world i guess.”

“yeah.” jihoon lets out shakily, “we okay?”

seungcheol looks at him, their eyes meet for a moment and seungcheol nods. he smiles gently, dimples showing proudly, “yeah, we’re okay.”

jihoon feels a little more at ease.

\---

jihoon’s sitting at his laptop in front of the tv when he gets a text notification. he looks at his phone for a moment, ready to ignore seungcheol being annoying. but he sees that it’s from an unknown number and his interest peaks.

_?: hey, wassuppp_

jihoon’s pretty sure it’s someone who accidentally got the wrong number at a bar and ignores it. but then less than ten seconds later he hears another _ding!._

_?: its soonyoung btw, should have started with that_

jihoon’s eyes widen and he quickly picks up the phone, unlocking it urgently and saving the number to his phone.

_jihoon: hey, how’d u get my number?_

_soonyoung~: o, asked shua hyung, hope u dont mind :p_

jihoon laughs at the text emoji, pushing his laptop away and closing it_. _

_jihoon: nah idm, so whats up?_

_soonyoung~: well i texted u to find out what u were up to so its only polite u tell me first :))_

_jihoon: nothin i guess, just finished some work. probably gonna eat smthn then go to sleep._

_soonyoung~: have u not eaten yet?_

_jihoon: nah, i’ve been busy._

_soonyoung~: tsk tsk, okay, u live in shua hyungs building right, i just picked up sum pizza, can i come hang out?_

jihoon freezes and looks around his messy living room, sure seungcheol doesn’t mind his mess but soonyoung. this is such new territory.

_soonyoung~: where’d u go? its ok if u dont wanna lol_

_jihoon: no, its fine, head on over, im apt 306. _

_soonyoung~: lit see u in 15._

yeah jihoon knew that soonyoung was coming but 15 minutes is so soon. so he gets up and starts running around the apartment, putting things away, stashing things under things and praying to god that soonyoung doesn’t wanna go into his makeshift studio because he’s pretty sure there’s an actual family of rats living in there. (okay maybe the only rat living in there is seungcheol but it’s still pretty messy and jihoon wants to save himself the embarrassment.)

jihoon’s busy fixing the pillows on the couch when the doorbell rings. now, he doesn’t intend to run to the door but does end up needing a breather when he reaches it.

“hey, soon.” jihoon greets cooly as he opens the door, trying his best to look as calm and unbothered as possible. but that’s not soonyoung that’s-

“not my name.” seungcheol says with a frown, “we’ve known each other for literally 12 years and you don’t even know my name.”

“what are you doing here?” jihoon asks, stepping into the doorway, stopping seungcheol from entering.

seungcheol gives him a disgraced look, as if jihoon is a glass of spoiled milk, “can i come in?”

“what are you doing here?” jihoon presses further and seungcheol rolls his eyes,

“i forgot my charger here, and i thought we could play mario kart.” seungcheol beams, moving to enter.

“i’ll get you your charger, go play mario kart with jeonghan hyung.” jihoon says simply, entering and closing the door before seungcheol can come in.

“hey!” seungcheol yells, “and i can’t, he’s mad about something.”

“what did you do?” jihoon asks as he looks around the living room for seungcheol’s charger.

“nothin, why do you always assume it’s my fault?” seungcheol asks, suddenly inside the apartment.

jihoon spins around and glares at him, “what the hell dude?!”

seungcheol dangles his spare key in front of jihoon’s face, sticking his tongue out like a 5 year old.

“why is it so fucking clean in here?” seungcheol asks as he picks up a pillow, sniffing it. jihoon walks over to him and snatches the pillow from seungcheol, hitting him over the head, but the elder has more to say “and you sprayed air freshner, the fuck is happening? is your mom coming? oh my god you should have told me, i would have worn something nicer, i hope she brings kimchi, she makes the best kimchi, wait jihoon are you okay, you’re really red, are you blushing? what?”

“do you ever shut up?” jihoon snares at the older boy, pulling seungcheol down into a chokehold and messing his hair up with his knuckles

seungcheol groans and prods jihoon in the stomach to make the younger release him from the death grip, when he finally gets free he messily pushes his hand through jihoon's hair as well, sticking his tongue out again, “who are you expecting? is it a boy? you’ve been on campus literally like 3 times there’s no way you picked up a boy! wait jihoon, not tinder, c’mon you’re better than that-”

ding dong!

‘oh fuck oh _fuck_” jihoon thinks.

“is that him?!” seungcheol whisper yells and jihoon feels like throwing himself out the window. and before jihoon can stop him, seungcheol’s off to the door and _oh fuck!_

“hi there i’m- wait soonyoung?” seungcheol questions, mouth falling open as his eyebrows knit together.

“oh seungcheol hyung,” soonyoung greets brightly but the confusion is evident in his voice,

jihoon pushes in front of seungcheol and soonyoung immediately lights up, “jihoonie!”

“_jihoonie_?” seungcheol whispers into jihoon’s ear and jihoon nudges him, as to say, shut up.

seungcheol drapes his arm over jihoon’s shoulders, “how come you’re here soonyoung?”

jihoon grabs seungcheol’s arm and turns the older boy until he’s got his arm twisted up against his back, “the real question is how come _you’re _here? you’ve got your charger, bye.”

jihoon pushes seungcheol out the door and pulls soonyoung inside, “don’t call me.”

seungcheol fake pouts, “but jihoonie~ why don’t you love me~”

jihoon rolls his eyes and slams the door in seungcheol’s face, locking the extra locks as well.

“oh uh,” soonyoung says, lips pulled into a thin line as he attempts to hide his laughter.

“ignore him, he’s, he’s seungcheol.” jihoon sighs, “come inside.”

soonyoung slips his shoes off and follows jihoon into the rest of the apartment, right into the kitchen where he places the pizza box down.

“drink?” jihoon asks, already opening the fridge. soonyoung nods, “coke please.”

“i like your hair.” jihoon comments absentmindedly, the red has been changed to a mousey brown.

“thanks, also, i knew seungcheol broke up with sojung but i didn’t think he moved on that fast.” soonyoung snickers as he observes jihoons flushed face and messy hair.

“what?” jihoon says lowly, almost dropping the coke bottle.

“i mean, i thought he’d have a thing for jeonghan if he was into guys, but _‘marshmallow fairy_’? didn’t see that coming.” soonyoung explains further, opening the pizza box.

jihoon throws the bottle cap at his head and rolls his eyes when soonyoung shrieks, “i am not dating seungcheol!”

“i mean you don’t have to call it dating, that’s okay-”

“no you idiot! there’s nothing between seungcheol and i, other than friendship, which i’m starting to reconsider.”

“oh but you two- when i opened the door- your hair!” soonyoung splutters, “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have assumed, god you’re probably not even into guys.”

“i-” jihoon thinks it over, _not now_, “i didn’t even know they broke up, best friend my ass.”

soonyoung flinches, “i shouldn’t have said that, i mean i thought it was public, people on campus know.”

jihoon hands soonyoung the glass, “i need to be on campus more.”  


“yeah! i think we have the same lunch breaks as well, i know a bunch of amazing cafes near school. we could go and-”

jihoon listens as soonyoung rambles on, completely forgetting what they were talking about. and jihoon lets him, he soaks in all the words and tries his best not to stare too intensely. he knows he should be thinking about seungcheol and if he’s okay but soonyoung is right there and god, he’s more than okay.

_‘oh i’m into guys alright.’_

\---

**part 3: missed opportunities, making up and making out.**

“remind me again why i allowed you to do this here?” jihoon asks as he pulls out a bowl from the cupboard.

“ah jihoonie, it's a housewarming party!” seungcheol says to him, pouring some chips into the bowl.

jihoon snorts, “yeah, sure, joshua hyung didn’t want you making a mess of your apartment.”

“that’s also a factor, but really jihoonie,” jihoon gives seungcheol a pointed look at the nickname, “_jihoon_, sorry, but you need more friends. you have me and shua but that's it, its already bad enough that you’re never on campus.”

“you sound like my mom.” jihoon rolls his eyes.

“i’m your stand in mother, except i can’t cook that well.” seungcheol points out, pulling a six pack out of the shopping bags he brought.

“you can’t clean either, or do laundry, and you’ve never once driven me anywhere, you don’t know basic first aid and i’m pretty sure that the only reason you’re still alive is because jeonghan hyung and joshua hyung force feed you vegetables and water.” jihoon deadpans, quirking an eyebrow at seungcheol as if to say _‘tell me i’m wrong’_

“shit cheol.” jeonghan says, throwing an arm around seungcheol’s shoulders, “he’s got it figured out.”

“bite me.” seungcheol growls.

jeonghan winks, “you’d like that.”

“i have friends.” jihoon says suddenly, and seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him.

“uh jihoon your laptop doesn’t count, look i know you watch lots of _things _on there but that doesn’t mean that it’s your friend.” seungcheol says, a faux look of concern on his face.

“shut up you horndog. i have, you and shua hyung and jeonghan hyung. and, and” jihoon pauses, “i have soonyoung. and the guy that sits next to me in music theology is warming up to me and-”

“wait, soonyoung, as in, the one who was here the other night, kwon soonyoung?” seungcheol asks, jihoon throws a chip at him for interrupting.

“yes, kwon soonyoung.” jihoon says more confidently, “he’s my friend.”

“jihoon, he’s everyone’s friend.” seungcheol laughs, setting up more drinks.

“what does that mean?” jihoon asks with a glare, loudly continuing to arrange the snacks.

“nothing, he’s just, you know, one of those guys. he’s friends with everyone, i mean, he considers people he’s spoken to for 5 seconds his friend. dude’s shit at keeping in touch but when he sees you acts like you’ve been friends forever.” seungcheol explains, “now stop being so fucking loud with the cheez-its!”

\---

the housewarming party soon turns into more of an actual party and jihoon feels just about ready to go crash at seungcheols. parties have never really been jihoon’s place. seungcheol dragged him to a few in high school, all of which he spent watching seungcheol get drunk and then having to take him back home. jihoon never minded having to look after his friend but he sure wish that he could have rather just stayed home. somehow tonight feels no different.

they haven’t spoken about sojung. not yet, jihoon knows that seungcheol needs time to figure his thoughts out before they can address the situation properly. but somehow this breakup feels different from previous ones. seungcheol dated pretty often in high school. not to the point where he could be considered a player but enough to have good relationship experience. but after every break up he’d be sad, at least for a while, he’d disappear and jihoon wouldn’t see him for a couple days before he would show up at jihoon’s place and spill all his tears and thoughts out to jihoon at once.

but seungcheol seems, happy? relieved? but jihoon thought he always looked so good with sojung.

“you’re thinking loud.”

jihoon looks up and his eyes take a moment to adjust and he sees none other than kwon soonyoung, _everyone’s friend_.

“oh, hi, sorry.” jihoon mumbles, sipping at his sprite.

“don’t apologise. this is supposed to be your housewarming, you don’t seem very warmed.” soonyoung says, nudging jihoon slightly.

“yeah, i’m pretty sure cheol just named it that because he needed an excuse to throw a party at my place.” jihoon says, sounding far too uninterested but he can’t entirely help it.

“hey! let’s dance, i love this song.” soonyoung says suddenly, taking jihoon’s cup and placing it down somewhere, which jihoon complains about because _“what if someone spikes it.”_

“no one will spike it,” soonyoung laughs, dragging jihoon closer to where everyone is dancing, “besides, i’ll make sure nothing happens to you~”

jihoon scowls, “this is my house, nothing will happen to me.”

truth be told, jihoon doesn’t entirely know what to do now, he’s a good dancer, plenty good actually. he and seungcheol used to attend classes together, but he’s never danced at a party.

“loosen up,” soonyoung mumbles close to his ear, dragging his hands over jihoon’s shoulders and arms.

so jihoon does as best he can and he dances as best he can, he makes an effort to stay closer to soonyoung than the people surrounding him. he doesn’t know how intentional it is but he knows that he feels a lot safer with soonyoung than the strangers. jihoon rolls his head back a bit, feeling the bass of the song vibrating through him. he looks around the room, to see who else is near and-

“what the fuck?”

soonyoung’s attention peaks and he looks in the direction in which jihoon is gaping and,

“fuck yeah man, get it!” soonyoung yells as he spots jeonghan and seungcheol sucking faces near the kitchen, jihoon gets the urge to hit him.

“i- i need to go.” jihoon says, pushing past soonyoung, who looks dejected at the movement but gets snatched up by mingyu before he can go after jihoon.

jihoon loves seungcheol, they’re best friends, and he wants what’s best for seungcheol. of course he does. but he wants this decision to be sober, he wants seungcheol to know what he’s doing.

“seungcheol,” jihoon says harshly, pulling his friend away from jeonghan.

“fuck man what?” seungcheol bites, and jeonghan looks pretty out of it too.

jihoon’s so scared, fuck, is he doing the right thing? they look beyond themselves and jihoon doesn’t want either of them to get hurt.

“you two, with me, c’mon.” jihoon says, it’s all he can think of. so he grabs both of them by their wrists and pulls them to his room.

jihoon sits them both down on his bed and stares at them for a moment. the music is seeping through his door but its more muffled now, jihoon feels like he’s not hearing anything right.

“talk.”

“shit dude, you pulled me away, you talk.” seungcheol utters, playing with his fingers.

jihoon knows he’s right. and jeonghan doesn’t seem to have any words either.

“jeonghan hyung, can you, can you give us a moment?” jihoon asks quietly, hoping the elder male complies. jeonghan just nods, swallowing thickly.

once jeonghan’s out the room seungcheol speaks up, “look, jihoon, i’m not drunk, i’m tipsy yes, but i know what i’m doing.”

“what the fuck seungcheol? you spend your whole life talking shit, pretending that you’re the straightest pencil in the pack, what happened huh?” jihoon sighs, rubbing his head.

“look jihoon, you don’t get to give me shit about this okay. you didn’t grow up with a fucktard of a dad, you didn’t grow up with a bible forced down your throat and a pastor preaching to you about how dangerous your feelings are. you don’t fucking know it feels to go through that shit.” seungcheol fumes, standing up, prodding a finger into jihoon’s chest.

“why did you never talk to me? huh? i’ve been there your whole life and you never once thought to come to me?” jihoon shouts back, pushing seungcheol away.

“i was in love with you for god's sake!”

jihoons heart beats in his ears and he feels like he’s drowning, “you what?”

“i- i couldn’t talk to you because i was in love with you jihoon. fuck, i spent all of highschool years trying to convince myself that i was straight because you made me feel otherwise. i didn’t want to lose you, i-”

“seungcheol it wouldn’t have mattered, i care about you! even if i didn’t feel the same way, i would have helped you, you pushed away your feelings and your, your sexuality because of me? that’s ass seungcheol and you know it, you could have come to me”

“well i didn’t okay. and- and ever since i moved here, ever since i met jeonghan, fuck i felt all of that all over again okay. i kissed him because i wanted to jihoon. i want him jihoon. i- i need him. he makes me feel like i can be myself, he makes me feel how you used to and more.”

jihoon sighs, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. seungcheol’s crying, the tears run down his face freely.   


“fuck, you idiot, you can always talk to me.” jihoon stammered, pulling seungcheol into a hug, “you didn’t need to force yourself to be who you aren’t, god seungcheol.”

seungcheol hugs him back, tightly wrapping his arms around jihoon’s shoulders as his tears soak into jihoon’s shirt.

“c’mon. let’s go get jeonghan hyung, you guys should go home, shua hyung is staying at seokmin hyung’s tonight. take him home cheol, tell him how you feel. i know he cares about you, i know he loves you, the way that i couldn’t.”

jeonghan is still outside the door, waiting patiently, playing with his fingers. he looks anxious, as if he’s in trouble. jihoon wants to apologise. but not now.

seungcheol helps him up and they share a look before seungcheol whispers a weak, “let’s go,” as he presses a kiss to jeonghan’s knuckles.

jihoon watches them walk out and sighs, sliding down the wall and sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. seungcheol and him will need to talk. about a lot more than jihoon realises but he knows they’ll work it out. they always do.

“being loud again.”

jihoon melts a little when he sees (a considerably more sober looking) soonyoung, also sitting down next to him.

  
“sorry, for leaving you earlier. i-”

“you had to make sure seungcheol hyung was making the right decision. i get it.” soonyoung’s voice is laced with sincerity and something wanting. “you guys are good friends, i admire your friendship.”

jihoon looks at him, really looks at him. soonyoung seems tired. not, eyebags and slurred talking tired. he seems drained. he seems like he’s doing everything alone, like he’s alone.

“you have tons of friends.”

soonyoung snorts, “yeah. i’m everyone’s friend. but, but they’re barely my friends.”

jihoon frowns, “what do you mean?”

soonyoung gets up, “nah, it’s nothing, let’s get back to the-”  


“soonyoung.” jihoon says, holding onto soonyoung’s wrist, “you don’t have to talk to me now, but, but if you want to, i’m here. you can talk to me about anything.”

soonyoung looks down at him and his eyes glance at the fingers wrapped securely around his wrist. he revels in the feeling of jihoon’s thumb rubbing gently across the inside of his wrist and up to his palm. his eyes start to burn and before he can stop it, a tear falls from his right eye. his fingers fly up to wipe it away but he knows jihoon saw.

jihoon all but swallows,“but, please, just stay with me, for now, you don’t have to talk, i just don’t want to go back.”

\---

jihoon wakes up in his bed, pretty much entirely under the covers and he bolts up, remembering the previous night. he spots his shoes next to the bed and he looks at his feet, one of which still has a sock on. and he’s got a different shirt on, how did he forget changing?

“how’d i get to bed?” he thinks out loud, standing up and grabbing his phone on the bed side table, which is plugged in, to check the time.

10:23

“fuck.” he groans, it’s saterday so no worries about classes but he can only imagine the state his apartment is in. so jihoon decides to man up and go and sort it out, but if anything’s broken seungcheol is paying.

oh, right, seungcheol.

_“i was in love with you for god's sake!” _

right, seungcheol. he’ll drop by his place later, maybe with some cupcake or something. not that seungcheol’s going to be mad at him but it’s, it’s a complicated matter. and what says _“i’m sorry i didn’t realise that your weirdness around boys was your internalised homophobia and i’m sorry that i didn’t know you were in love with me but i wish you all the luck for your next relationship”_ better than a cupcake?

jihoon rubs his eyes as he walks into the kitchen, ready to see the whole place a mess but surprisingly it’s, it’s pretty okay. there’s two trash bags standing by the door, and jihoon can hear the dishwasher running. there’s a couple more glasses strayed around, and some snacks still left over, and there’s some confetti on the floor but ultimately, it’s pretty tidy. he walks to the livingroom to see that most of the furniture is still intact, and there’s no scattered beer cans or anything and-

kwon soonyoung asleep on his couch.

part of jihoon is happy soonyoung’s the only one that ended up staying at his place, he’s happy the rest of the people managed to leave before they were too drunk to function. and to think of it, jihoon’s more than happy that soonyoung’s here right now. he spots soonyoungs arm, it’s at a weird angle as to allow soonyoung’s fingers to sit gently in his own hair, almost as if he was playing with it.

jihoon walks over to the sleeping boy as quietly as he can and crouches down next to the couch. _crap_, he thinks, soonyoung’s gonna have a cramp in his neck when he wakes up.

“soonyoung.” jihoon whispers, tapping soonyoungs nose softly, “soonyoungie, wake up.”

jihoon drags his fingers lightly over soonyoung’s face, seeing how he twitches at the tickling sensation.

“hmm.” soonyoung whines in his sleep leaning into the touch of jihoon’s fingers making jihoon almost lose his balance.

jihoon runs his fingers through soonyoungs mousey hair a couple of times. he loves this colour on soonyoung, the red was nice, and so was the grey silvery colour he had when they first met but this, this suits soonyoung so well.

“jihoonie?”

“hm.” jihoon says, “it’s just me.”

soonyoung groans a bit, sitting up, causing jihoon’ fingers to fall from his hair, “i’ve got a cramp.”

jihoon can’t help but laugh a little, making soonyoung move over so he can sit with him.

“hey you can’t laugh at me, i cleaned this place.” soonyoung says, pout on his lips and voice thick with sleep.

jihoon malfunctions for a moment, “you did all this?”

soonyoung nods, rubbing his neck, “yeah, i also plugged your phone in and, uh,” suddenly soonyoung turns a light shade of red, “i changed your shirt. i didn’t want you to fall asleep in the button up you were wearing so i grabbed something from your closet. sorry, it was probably out of-”

“sh, it’s fine, thank you.” jihoon says, shutting soonyoung up. then, as he gets an idea, he sits up on his knees and turns soonyoung around so that he’s facing the other way.

“what are you- woah.” soonyoung moans out softly as jihoon starts massaging his neck and shoulders, “fuck you’ve got magic fingers.”

jihoon chuckles, “so i’ve been told. thank you for looking after the place, and me. last night i was so caught up in the whole seungcheol thing i forgot i was supposed to be hosting.”

soonyoung shakes his head, “it’s fine, that’s what friends are for right.”

jihoon remembers their conversation from the night before for a moment.

_“you have tons of friends.”_

_soonyoung snorts, “yeah. i’m everyone’s friend. but, but they’re barely my friends” _

_jihoon frowns, “what do you mean?”_

jihoon doesn’t know what that was supposed to mean. soonyoung didn’t seem drunk or anything suspicious like that, if anything, in that split moment when soonyoung was pressed up next to him, voice low and genuine, he seemed like the most honest version of himself jihoon had ever seen.

jihoon remembers how soonyoungs eyes sparkled with tears and how one came down his face, he remembers how soonyoung swallowed and how soonyoung’s wrist felt under his fingers. he remembers soonyoung, raw, real soonyoung. but he wasted that moment.

“jihoon.” the boy in question says, turning and softly taking jihoon’s hands away from his body.

  
“can you hear me thinking again?” jihoon laughs nervously, resting his hands in his lap, “i think a lot.”

soonyoung nods, “i know. but, but you should go see seungcheol hyung. i’ll fix this place up a bit more. you should go talk to him.”

jihoon stills, “how do you-”

“i saw you guys going to your room and, and jeonghan was outside so i was worried and-”

_“i was in love with you for god's sake!” soonyoung heard from inside the room, he wasn’t sure who he was hearing but he heard right._

_soonyoung looks down at jeonghan, who presumably also heard what soonyoung heard, the elder boy swallows, eyes trained on his fingers. the voices inside the room continue, a lot quieter and he can’t make out everything that’s going on but he knows thats jihoon in there. _

_“-because i wanted to jihoon. i want him jihoon. i- i need him.” _

_soonyoung’s face softens when he sees jeonghan suck in a breath, _

“at first, i thought you were the one that confessed to seungcheol, i couldn’t tell who it was that said it at the time but when you guys walked out and jeonghan and seungcheol left i knew that it was him. you guys probably have some stuff you want to talk about. i’ll be okay here.” soonyoung explains, standing up and stretching his arms over his head. jihoon tries to ignore the way his shirt pulls up.

“i-” jihoon pauses, “soonyoung.”

“jihoon.”

jihoon stares at him, he can see some part of soonyoung putting up a wall, he can tell that soonyoung’s saying all this as if to say, ‘i don’t matter right now. ignore me’ and jihoon wants to slap him silly because soonyoung always matters. soonyoung always matters to him. but he knows that he won’t get anything out of him right now.

jihoon stands up. he’s never been the best with comforting people, the best at talking people down. he’s never really known how to make them feel assured but in that moment he takes soonyoungs hand, squeezes it and whispers, “thank you.” and for now, that’s enough.

\---

**part 5: coffee, talking and maybe a little bit of crying. **

the incident goes before jihoon is able to grasp onto it. he comes home after talking to seungcheol and the apartment is empty. considerably cleaner, cleaner than it is most of the time, but empty. jihoon should have known that soonyoung most likely had very little intent of staying and having to discuss their previous conversations. jihoon can’t help but feel a little disgruntled at it all. it feels as if soonyoung doesn’t trust him yet, as if he’s just another acquaintance or passing soul in soonyoungs life. which isn’t exactly ideal. jihoon feels as if soonyoung knows him through and through but jihoon barely knows a fraction of soonyoung.

jihoon goes to campus more often, and the professors are happy to see him getting involved in class. it doesn’t benefit him too much, sure it’s good to interact with people more but the content of his classes are the same. he wasn’t missing out. but he sees soonyoung more. which is enough reason to wake up at 8 in the morning.

“jihoonie~” soonyoung greets, draping a lazy arm around jihoon’s shoulders as the smaller boy exists his theory class.

  
“soonyoung.” jihoon smiles, shifting his bag on his shoulders.

  
“lets go get coffee!” soonyoung exclaims, “i found an adorable new cafe i think you’d like.”

jihoon nods, letting soonyoung lead the way off campus. the walk is short, luckily, jihoon hadn’t got that much sleep the night before and was slowly becoming more and more lethargic as the day went on.

“you okay?” soonyoung asks, as they enter the cafe.

jihoon admires the pretty interior and the gentle stream of sunlight fluttering in through the peachy blinds.

“i’m ok, kinda tired is all.” jihoon explains, observing the menu above the counter. soonyoung hums in acknowledgement before gently slipping jihoon’s bag off his shoulder.

“what are you-”

“what do you want to drink?” soonyoung interrupts, ignoring the question jihoon had posed entirely.

jihoon bites his lip, quirked an eyebrow but soonyoung remains unfazed, gripping the bag closer to his body.

soonyoung orders for both of them, (watermelon juice for jihoon and a matcha iced latte for himself), getting a slice of red velvet cake as well and pays before jihoon can even attempt to pull out his wallet.

“yah, you need to stop treating me to so many things,” jihoon mutters, retrieving his drink from the tray once they’re seated.

  
“i like treating you.” soonyoung pouts, “do you not like it?”

jihoon shakes his head immediately, swallowing the drink in his mouth, “no, i like it, i just, you’re spending a lot of money, let me treat you sometimes too”

soonyoung looks scepticle, but then grins, “how about you get us pizza for tonight then?”

jihoon’s eyebrows twitch together, “tonight?”

soonyoung nods, “i thought we could hang out tonight, at your place if that’s okay, seokmin sometimes brings jisoo hyung over without notice and i’ve been meaning to escape them for once. being friends with couples sucks sometimes.”

jihoon makes a noise of agreement, “okay, i’ll get dinner. i’ve got an afternoon class in a bit though, so maybe come by at around 7?”

soonyoung beams, “you got it.”

\---

jihoon gets home at 5:50 pm and quickly goes to take a shower, washing his hair and shaving, (not that it was that necessary but it doesn’t hurt to get rid of some of the stubble on his chin, it has nothing to do with soonyoung coming over.)

the apartment is okay, not too messy, which makes jihoon’s job a lot easier as all he needs to do is put some dishes away and hang up laundry (not that soonoyoung’s going to be in his bedroom but-)

at quarter past 6 he orders the food. soonyoung said pizza but jihoon wanted to go a little more all out, especially since soonyoung’ been buying him coffee and drinks for the past week.

so he gets some tteokbokki, pizza, a couple of drinks, ice cream and quickly cooks some ramen. he opens netflix on his tv too, in case soonyoung wants to watch something. he feels a little heavy hearted. more than usual. not that soonyoung coming over is burdening him, but rather the fact that tonight is nothing but a hang out. he wishes they could delve further into each other. but soonyoung isn’t one to rush these things it seems and jihoon respects that. 

the doorbell chimes and jihoon perks up, giving the ramen a quick stir before running over to the door.

“oh hello, i have an order for lee jihoon?”

jihoon nods at the delivery man, “that’s me.”

he receives the food quickly, paying the man appropriately before bidding him a good night, scurrying back into his apartment.

he suddenly realises that he truly did get a lot of food and hopes that soonyoung is hungry enough to be able to eat all of it. he shrugs, soonyoung’s a bit eater and he’s pretty hungry himself.

so jihoon sets the food up in the living room, covering almost the whole coffee table, he places some cushions down as well for them to sit on and grabs a bottle of coke, placing it on the table too. he hopes its all good. but knowing soonyoung, even if it wasn't he probably wouldn't say a word.

jihoon goes to sit down but is interrupted by the door bell ringing once again and he perks up, rushing over to the door, stopping for a moment briefly to compose himself.

  
“hey soonyoung.” he smiles, opening the door wide but his smile quickly drops as he sees the troublesome expression on soonyoungs face, “soonyoung? you okay?”

soonyoung looks at him, swallows thickly and sighs, “yeah, i think, i- i’m okay”

jihoon stares again, even though staring is rude, but he needs to know how much he can push with this. how much he can ask, “come inside.”

soonyoung enters, head low, shoulders slumped and jihoon senses the same feeling of ‘alone’ radiating off him. they sit down in the living room and soonyoung almost immediately exclaims once he sees the extreme amount of food placed out on the table.

“jihoon, this is-”

“it’s not too much, it probably doesn’t cover half of what you’ve spent on me.” jihoon interrupts, not letting soonyoung object any further. “do you want to eat first or-”

“we can eat first, i don’t want the food getting cold, you spent a lot of money.”

“soonyoung, for a moment, please put yourself first, don’t think about that, we can talk first.”

soonyoung gapes at him, eyes landing back on the food, “but you-”

“you’re more important than food.” jihoon stops him,

“it’s not even a big deal,” soonyoung starts, “i’ve just been down recently and right before i came over i was reminded about some stuff and it made me kinda sad. i’m okay though. you make it better.”

“i didn’t do anything.”

“you’re here, and you’re letting me talk to you. seeing you made me feel better.”

jihoon has to stop himself from letting those words affect him too much, now's not the time to be all in love with soonyoung. this isn’t about jihoon right now and he doesn’t want pretty words to distract him from this moment..

“soonyoung.”

“look. i’ve just felt kinda lonely recently okay? i know i have plenty of friends and that they adore me and i adore them, but i’m just, i feel like everyone’s just using me. as narcissistic as that sounds”

jihoon doesn’t think that’s narcissistic, but he lets soonyoung go on.

“i just, i’m always there to listen to people whine and complain about things. i’m always there to let people let out their sadness, i’m always giving advice and picking people up. i’m always the backup plan, the ‘oh its soonyoung, he’ll do anything’ and i just feel like no one is there for me. i’ve always just had to suck it up and force my feelings to not matter because everyone else's matter more. it’s stupid because seokmin and jisoo hyung are lovely and you’re a good friend too but, but i can't let my guard down around them because i don’t want people to think i’m weak, because if i’m weak then they might not have someone to go to anymore and i never want people to feel like they have no one. even if that means that i have no one.”

jihoon exhales as he sees soonyoung crumble next to him, he’s been holding a lot in for a long time. jihoon has always had seungcheol, who no matter what, was always there to listen to jihoon’s worries. jihoon never imagined what it would be like not having seungcheol there. but now that he sees soonyoung, like this, he’s even more grateful that he’s always had his hyung.

soonyoung pulls his hands up to his head again and combs his fingers through his hair, like the way jihoon found him that one morning. it seems to calm him down or ground him at least.

“and i don’t, i don’t need anyone else, i don’t think i do. i’ve been through a lot alone. i’ve become myself alone but i can’t take it all the time, and everyone expects so much from me. i can’t start letting people down.”

“soonyoung,” jihoon says, voice soft and low, the other boy looks up at him and swallows, “that’s a lot, you’re going through a lot alone, i can imagine, i mean i have no clue what it’s like to have to even hold in my feelings about my professors nevertheless all the shit you probably have to go through alone. i know that you might not think so but, no one’s going to think you’re weak, for having feelings and for talking about them. you deserve to get that off your chest. so, please, you don’t have to say a lot, but please, come to me at least. don’t hold in all those feelings. even if its just for a moment. i’ll always be here. and i don’t think people realise that they’re being oblivious to your feelings. maybe you should talk to them, maybe just seokmin and jisoo jyung if you’d prefer.”

soonyoug stares at him while he speaks, eyes glossy with tears and adoration. soonyoung can't help but feel just a little more comforted, of course some part of him still feels a little guilty, unloading all of that onto jihoon but his heart feels a little lighter.

“thank you.” soonyoung mutters, “you don’t realise how much that means to me, and i’ll talk to seokmin. maybe. one step at a time.”

jihoon smiles, “one step at a time.”

nothing is fixed because nothing was broken, but jihoon hopes that soonyoungs heart feels a little less heavy and that he knows that he truly can come to jihoon with his problems. healing takes time and jihoon knows that after literal years of being forced to keep things inside, it’ll probably take soonyoung some time to adjust to being more emotionally honest. but for now, a little bit at a time is enough.

\---

soonyoung talks to jihoon more, thankfully. sometimes he comes over, eyes glossy and breathing ragged and jihoon knows that he just needs a moment of honesty. they rarely ‘resolve’ issues because they’re not always issues, soonyoung just needs to talk, to get his feelings out of his head and to feel just a little more safe.

jihoon soon realises that soonyoung, popular and loved-by-all soonyoung, was one of the lonliest people he had ever met. soonyoung who had to force himself to feel okay all the time just so that someone else had somewhere to go to be okay. soonyoung’s never been okay, but he’s never put himself first either. so jihoon does. jihoon pushes soonyoung to make himself matter more than others and he tries his best to make soonyoung feel like he matters because he does. he matters so much more than he realises.

“soonyoung-ah, if you’re not looking after yourself then there’s not gonna be a you for others to come to.”

soonyoung had a hard time taking jihoon’s words seriously sometimes, and jihoon could see it. it’s not that there was a lack of trust, at least jihoon doesn’t think so. but soonyoung was so used to not believing or loving himself that, to suddenly believe all these wonderful things about himself, was difficult to adjust to.

“but, i know i’ll be okay eventually, i don’t know that about others.” soonyoung hiccuped, head low and mind whirring.

“soonyoung,” jihoon says sternly, “you’re not okay, and if you keep pushing yourself you’re going to permanently damage yourself.”

the sound of soonyoung swallowing thickly echoes in jihoon’s ears for a moment longer than it probably should. his eyes are trained on soonyoung, the way he’s hunched over, how his fingers are buried in his hair as they gently thread through some of the individual strands. jihoon’s fingers itch to pull him closer and promise that all will be okay. he scoots closer to him across the wooden floor and reached out to soonyoung’s face.

“soon.” jihoon whispers, urging soonyoung to meet his gaze. and right there, behind those broken eyes and quivering lip is a boy who’s just too overwhelmed. jihoon gives in to his temptations. he pulls soonyoung into his arms and pushes soonyoung’s head to rest on his shoulder. soonyoung’s legs fall to the side of jihoon’s body as jihoon hugs him close and melds their bodies almost into one.

“cry, go ahead, cry as much as you want. i got you.” jihoon mutters, pressing an open kiss to the top of soonyoungs head while rubbing circles on his back.

“in this dark night that is the world, we all shine soonyoung. some of us shine with ambition, some of us shine with passion, you soonyoung, you shine with love and with loyalty. all our lights are precious, especially yours. but you can’t just shine for others, for your friends, for me. you must shine for you. don’t let your light die out, don’t disappear. your existence is so big, bigger than you realize. you shine brighter than anyone else, that’s why so many people are attracted to you. please keep shining soonyoung, my shining star.”

soonyoung cries harder at jihoon’s words, burying his face in the crook of jihoon’s neck and lets himself be loved and held in that moment. because he needs this, he deserves this. when his tears start to dry and his sobs have been reduced to the occasional hiccup, jihoon finally pulls away from their embrace. he tenderly places his hands on soonyoung’s cheeks and smooths out the tears that still linger there.

“c’mon, lets get you washed up,” jihoon says quietly, soonyoung simply nods in response, following jihoon to the bathroom. jihoon quickly instructs soonyoung to sit up on the counter next to the sink and soonyoung obeys, sliding up with out a word.

“you can talk you know, it’s okay if you don’t want to, but don’t feel like you can’t.” jihoon mutters, opening the warm water tap and waiting for the water to heat up a bit.

soonyoung hangs his head and swings his legs a couple of times, “why is it always you helping me, i feel like i should be doing more for you.”

jihoon takes a wash cloth and puts some facial cleanser on it before running it under the warm water, “soonyoung, you’re doing enough for me, you always listen to me complain about my professors, you help with my songs. you’re enough for me, let me look after you for now. okay?”

soonyoung nods, smiling softly as jihoon places the damp cloth up to his face, “it’s unfair that you’re still cute after crying.”

a laugh escapes soonyoung and his shoulders shake with it, “thanks, sorry for crying so much.”

jihoon shakes his head and gently moves soonyoungs fringe to the side, “it’s okay, i’m friends with seungcheol remember? that idiot cries everytime he watches lion king.”  


soonyoung chuckles again as jihoon finishes cleaning his face, “it’s a sad movie.”

jihoon can’t help but roll his eyes at that, “okay, whatever you say.” he pauses, looking at soonyoung for a moment longer, “do you want to borrow some clothes? i can lend you a shirt that’s too big for me, you’re staying here tonight.”

soonyoung looks momentarily stunned, “can i really?”

jihoon nods quickly, maybe too quickly, but he doesn’t care, soonyoung deserves to see how eager he is to have him there, “yeah, c’mon let’s go to my room.”

they tread over to jihoon’s room, which is just across the hall from the bathroom and soonyoung smiles upon entering, “cute.”  


jihoon’s head turns to follow what soonyoung’s looking at and finds his collection of ryan plushies, scattered across his bed, “hey, don’t bully me, those are precious.”

jihoon hears soonyoung hum in agreement, “you’re precious.”

“oh shut the fuck up.” jihoon curses immediately after, throwing an oversized shirt at soonyoung, who catches it and grins.

“i mean it! thank you for looking after me, you’re really precious to me.” soonyoungs tone drops to a more sincere one and jihoon cant help but feel warm all over.

“yeah yeah, we’re not done yet.” jihoon says, tossing soonyoung a pair of seungcheol’s adidas sweatpants that he left at jihoon’s a couple weeks back, “i’m forcing you to have a cliché highschool american movie sleepover with me and we’re gonna eat tons of food, bake cupcakes and talk about boys or whatever.”

soonyoung’s grin stretches even wider and his eyes soften at jihoon, “you know the way to my heart,” he teases, hand on his chest and a flirty tone in his voice.

“don’t make me kick you out.” jihoon threatens, crossing his arms and cocking an eyebrow.

“you wouldn’t.”

soonyoung’s right, he wouldn’t

\---

**part 6: “forgive me lord, for i have sinned. but that doesn’t mean i intent to stop.”**

sleepovers become more common after that. usually at jihoon’s place because soonyoung has two rowdy roommates (seokmin and seungkwan) and jihoon wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink with the gag trio all together. but jihoon doesn’t mind. he likes his place anyways and having soonyoung there makes it 100 times better. they almost always order in, not because they can’t cook but it takes too much time and they’re never able to make tteokbokki quite as good as it should be.

they usually fall asleep in the living room, laying on one another on the couch, or occasionally, cuddled up on the floor. it’s not the most comfortable but jihoon doesn’t have the courage to invite soonyoung into his bedroom. not that he hasn’t imagined soonyoung in his bedroom, both in innocent and, not so innocent, ways.

it’s not that jihoon means to do it. who intends on waking up with a rather painful morning wood and their best friend’s name on their lips? sure, other times jihoon has indulged himself, allowing himself to scroll through soonyoung’s instagram in the late night and slip his hand in under the covers. and sure, maybe once, (read: at least 5 times) jihoon has gotten out some _assisting tools_ and satisfied every possible need, making sure to shut the door and keep his voice down as much as possible. so yeah, sometimes jihoon means to do it, and it makes him feel momentarily disgusting because he shouldn’t be thinking of his friend like that but at the same time, he rationalizes, they’re nothing but fantasies.

jihoon’s working on his final essay of the semester but he realizes that he’s been starting blankly at his computer and has been fantasizing about very non music related things. he looks down at himself and realizes that his shorts are pulling tighter in the crotch region and quickly slaps himself across the face, trying to think about seungcheol dressed as a crayon for halloween. he looks to his computer clock and finds that it’s already 11:30pm. he’s been writing for 6 hours. jihoon’s partially in awe but quickly moves on when the door bell rings. it’s late so jihoon can only assume it’s seungcheol, coming to steal a playstation game or something.

“jihoon-ie!”

jihoon’s eyebrows knit together at the sight of soonyoung standing at his door, arms open for, jihoon supposes, a hug.

“soonyoung.” jihoon greets as the taller boy pulls him into his chest, “are you drunk?”

soonyoung pulls away, a disappointed look on his face, “no, why do i have to be drunk to hug you?”

jihoon shakes his head, moving to the side to let soonyoung in, “it’s not that, it’s just, really late. what are you doing here?”

“seokmin and jisoo are fucking.” soonyoung sighs, placing his shoes to the side and walking into the kitchen, leaving a stunned jihoon behind.

“i got back after dance and saw that there was a sock on the door, at first i laughed it off but when i tried to open the door it wouldn’t budge. meaning seokmin changed the code! just to fuck? that’s a lot of effort. anyways, he has no consideration for me, me, oh poor kwon soonyoung, who’s just been dancing for the past 7 hours, tired and sweaty, i just want to relax on my couch but no~ he’s got a guy on his dick and suddenly i’m no longer important.”

jihoon listens as soonyoung rants, almost getting distracted by the fact that soonyoung is, indeed, very sweaty and wearing his dance clothes, (an _extremely_ loose and oversized tank top and dangerously short shorts.)

“anyways can i take a shower?” soonyoung asks after chugging a glass of water.

jihoon just continues to stare, the words going completely over his head, “jihoon?”

jihoon forgets his own name in that moment as his eyes stay trained on soonyoung’s collarbone that’s slowly being exposed by his shirt which is slipping to the side.

“jihoon!”

jihoon swallows, and drops from his trance, face suddenly a lot closer to soonyoung than before, “yes?”, he curses internally at the weak sound of his voice and looks anxiously at soonyoung.

“are you okay?” soonyoung asks, putting the back of his hand against jihoon’s forehead, “you’re kinda out of it.”

jihoon nods quickly, walking backwards to escape their closeness which was not doing his already cloudy mind good, “i’m fine.” but just then jihoon, in his attempt to move away from soonyoung, trips and stumbles slightly over himself, just for soonyoung to grab onto his elbows and hold him up.

“no something’s up,” soonyoung frowns, grabbing jihoon by the waist and easily lifting him up onto the kitchen counter, jihoon lets out a small whelp at the sudden movement. soonyoung steps closer to jihoon, one of his thighs in the middle of jihoon’s, as he places his hands on jihoon’s face again, “you’re really hot.”

“says you.” jihoon says before his brain can tell him not to, immediately regretting it when soonyoung frowns even more.

their proximity isn’t helping jihoon to forget about his earlier fantasies and the only thing he can think is _“i need to get out of this.”_

“jihoon-ah, are you really okay you’re sweating a little bit.” soonyoung asks, worry dripping from his words.

“i’m fine,” jihoon attempts to shuffle off the counter, hoping that it would make soonyoung back up, but he doesn’t and _oh fuck-_

jihoon’s crotch comes in contact with soonyoungs upper thigh and the sudden friction causes jihoon to temporarily short circuit, head falling onto soonyoung’s chest.

“jihoon, what is-” soonyoung stops when he feels something prodding into his thigh and jihoon shakes slightly against him and – oh, _oh. _

“jihoon we should- oh fuck.”

and as if all the lights in jihoon’s mind telling him to stop suddenly malfunction all he can muster himself to do is to grind against soonyoung’s thigh.

soonyoung’s body responds before his mind as his hands fly to jihoon’s waist, holding jihoon closer to his body and lifting his leg up a bit, to give jihoon more to work with. jihoon’s ankles hook together behind soonyoungs leg as he continues to grind up against the taller boy, breath haggard and shallow.

“jihoon, fuck, ah~” soonyoung moans which sets jihoon’s arousal to a whole new level.

soonyoung watches as the smaller boy humps his leg rapidly, butt bouncing up and down on the kitchen counter, but it doesn’t seem like jihoon minds too much. soonyoung can’t help but give into a temptation of his own, so he quickly reaches out with one hand and pushes jihoon’s face up to his before leaning in and placing a hot open-mouthed kiss to jihoon’s lips. jihoon resonds quickly, legs going relaxed and spreading again, giving soonyoung space to step in between them. jihoon wastes no time, burying his fingers in soonyoungs hair, tugging at the strands desperately. soonyoung bites at jihoon’s bottom lip before slipping his tongue into jihoon’s mouth eagerly while moving his hands from jihoon’s waist and down to his ass. he quickly scoops jihoon up and squeezes his ass in the process, hoisting him up and off the counter.

“bedroom.” jihoon mumbles between kisses and soonyoung follows, carrying jihoon to his room, not wasting anytime or breaking the kiss further.

they bump into things as they go, (first the wall, then a table) but soonyoung can’t be bothered to care because the feeling of jihoon so close to him, of jihoon’s ass in his hands, jihoon’s lips against his makes him believe that he wouldn’t care if the rest of the world was on fire right now.

soonyoung gently places jihoon down on the bed, resting on top of him, propped up on his elbows as jihoon’s legs stay wrapped tightly around soonyoung’s waist in an attempt to keep their crotches connected.

“god, how long have you been holding that in.” soonyoung jokes, pulling away from the kiss, breathing heavy.

“too long,” jihoon mutters, tugging at soonyoung’s shirt, “get this off.”

and soonyoung obeys quickly, slipping his shirt off as fast as possible before pulling jihoon’s crewneck off his body as well, “you’re so hot.”

jihoon almost laughs because he has a literal god in between his legs, a god who just called him hot.

“shut up washboard abs.” jihoon says, too gently, to admirably, he hates himself for it.

“how you wanna do this baby?” soonyoung asks, voice smooth and velvety against jihoon’s ear before trailing a set of wet kisses down jihoon’s neck.

“you, inside me, right now.” jihoon says back, moaning slightly as soonyoung presses a kiss to his collarbone.

  
soonyoung grins, “that can be arranged.”

jihoon’s legs drop from soonyoung’s waist as the younger gets up to take his trousers and underwear off, all in one go and jihoon has to stop himself from literally drooling over the boy in front of him. jihoon shimmies out of his own trousers before leaning over to his bedside table and retrieving a half empty bottle of lube and a condom.

“shy, are we?” soonyoung quips, suddenly back in between jihoon’s legs, fingers hooked under the waist band of jihoon’s underwear, “can i?”

jihoon rolls his eyes, “don’t you start with me, just because i’m not as boisterous doesn’t mean i’m shy.”

soonyoung puts a hand to his heart, “oh you hurt me.”

jihoon laughs, shoving soonyoung backwards a bit before sliding his underwear down, cock hard against his stomach, “now do you want me to do it or would you rather?”

soonyoung stares at him, bottom lip caught between his teeth and a shocked expression painted across his face, “i- i,”

jihoon smirks, “shy, are we?”

soonyoung gulps, eyes fixated on the boy in front of him, the words he wants to say dying in this throat.   


“i’ll take that as a yes,” jihoon chuckles, “i’ll to it, you just sit there and look pretty okay?”

soonyoung nods, still doing nothing but staring, mouth open eyes cloudy, at jihoon. jihoon lays back, upper body resting against the headboard as he spreads his legs, only feeling slightly embarrassed by how focused soonyoung is on his movements. jihoon takes a deep breath, grabbing the lube and spreading a generous amount onto his fingers, he’s done this plenty times before, but having soonyoung there makes it all the more exhilarating. he presses a single finger to his entrance, sighing in content, quickly making it two fingers as he starts to move in and out at a steady pace. soonyoung looks like he’s itching to get involved, or to touch himself just touch _something_, it makes jihoon feel proud at how hot and bothered the other boy is getting.

“no touching.” jihoon says, as soonyoung shuffles closer, “wait.”

soonyoug lets out an audible groan at that, “you’re so domineering.”

jihoon shrugs, making it three fingers, streatching himself further, “you’re too obedient not to be.”

eventually jihoon speeds up the pace of his fingers, pushing them in and out at a much faster tempo, reaching further in himself as he starts to become a lot more worked up. his breath becomes shallower as his body starts to work down on his fingers, trying to reach his prostate properly. jihoon’s, unfortunately always needed help with reaching his actual prostate and not just getting off on edging, but instead of silicone assistance, he thinks, this time he has the real deal. and he’s doing to make the most of it.

“against the headboard, now.” jihoon breathes out, pulling his fingers out hesitantly and shuddering at the feeling of emptiness.

soonyoung shuffles next to jihoon, pressing himself against the headboard and looking to jihoon expectantly before giving in to his temptations and pulling the smaller boy closer to him, right into another heated kiss. jihoon marvels in how much of a good kisser soonyoung is. but he’s in need of a little more than kissing right now so he lifts himself up and sits down on soonyoung’s thighs, pulling away from the kiss as he straddles the younger boy. he stares down at soonyoung’s cock which is half hard, heavy, between his legs and he gulps, thinking about how maybe he should have prepared for a bit longer. but what’s done is done, he shakes it off and grabs soonyoungs dick with his one hand and a condom with the other. he quickly realizes that this is a two-hand job (no pun intended) and hands the condom to soonyoung too open, who does so eagerly. jihoon pumps soonyoung’s dick quickly with both his hands, bringing it entirely to life and jihoon can’t help but sigh at the growing size of it. soonyoung’s head falls back against the headboard as jihoon leans down and takes the tip into his mouth for a moment.

“if i weren’t so horny right now, i’d give you the suck of your life.” jihoon mutters, taking the condom from soonyoung’s hand and sliding it onto his dick. he pours some lube on as well, already knowing it’s going to be one hell of a stretch. soonyoung shudders at the feeling of the cold liquid. jihoon moves forward, soonyoung’s hands quickly on his waist to help hold him up. he reaches behind him tentatively, holding soonyoung’s dick with his one hand and placing the other on his ass to help him slide down more easily. it takes a couple of seconds for him to get the tip in properly and after that he places his hands on soonyoung’s shoulders as he slowly sinks down, until soonyoung’s balls deep in him. soonyoung’s one hand stay on jihoon’s waist, gently massaging into his skin, as to tell him to take his time adjusting, while the other trails up his body to his nipples.

“you ready?” jihoon asks and soonyoung chuckles lightly,

“shouldn’t i be asking you that?” soonyoung replies, bending his knees upwards to support jihoon at the back.

“so that’s a yes.”

jihoon’s grip on soonyoung’s shoulders tightens as he lifts himself up and drops right back down, body adjusting to the size of soonyoung’s dick in him almost instantly. soonyoung moans loudly at the movement, head falling back and mouth opening as he bucks up into jihoon involuntarily.

jihoon smirks at the response, bouncing up and down more quickly, gyrating his hips every time he drops down.

soonyoung seems to come back to his senses before leaning closer to jihoon, lips next to his ear before hotly whispering in jihoon’s ear, “moan for me.”

jihoon shudders at that, breathing out heavily as he fucks himself on soonyoungs dick even harder and suddenly he feels soonyoung’s dick touch his prostate and he almost fully screams out his name at that.

“that’s what i wanna hear.” soonyoung mutters happily, kissing jihoon’s neck as he continues bouncing up and down, searching for that sensation again.

“that’s right baby, work yourself on my cock like that, fuck yourself nicely baby. let me hear you.”

jihoon melts at the praises, eyes closing and head falling back as soonyoung holds him up a bit, bucking his hips up and fucking harder into jihoon, sucsesfully hitting his prostate again.

jihoon shakes violently as he continues pushing himself to keep his pace, he clenches around soonyoung every couple of seconds just to set him over edge but he’s sending himself over the edge as soonyoung continues hammering at his prostate.

“soon- soonyoung, i’m gonna-” he cuts himself off with another drawled out moan as he squirts cum onto his stomach, body going rigid, pushing himself as far down one last time.

soonyoung watches jihoon unravel under his fingers and feels his hole clench around soonyoungs dick one last time and he comes as well, grunting softly into jihoon’s ear.

they take a couple of seconds to come down from the high, their bodies seperatating soon afterwards. soonyoung takes off the condom and ties it before getting up to throw it away. jihoon stays situated on the bed, chest rising and falling as he catches his breath.

“so how about that shower now?”

\---

**part 7: reflection is key to living diligently. **

“jihoonie.” soonyoung says softly, pressing a kiss to the back of jihoon’s neck, wrapping his arms tenderly around jihoon’s waist.

jihoon continues stirring the noodles as he hums a “yes?” in response.

“what are we?” soonyoung asks and jihoon fingers lose grip on the wooden spoon, he watches it drop into the pot.

“we’re, we’re us.” jihoon answers pathetically, biting his lip and staring at the spoon in despair.

“we don’t have to lable it, if you don’t want to, i just, i want to know how you feel, i guess.” soonyoung mumbles, trailing off a bit.

jihoon sighs quietly, hoping soonyoung doesn’t hear as he reaches out to the spoon, stirring the noodles one last time before turning the heat off and spinning in soonyoung’s arms to face him.

jihoon maps out the features of soonyoung’s face with his eyes, from his soft fringe, which is falling into his small, soft eyes all the way to his pointed nose and pretty, full, lips. he takes in the look of worry on soonyoung’s face in how his bottom lip is being pulled to the side by his teeth, in the way his eyebrows are slightly pulled together and in the way he can feel soonyoung’s hands balling up the material of jihoon’s t-shirt at his waist.

“i, i like you, a lot. and, i think you’re the prettiest, brightest star in the whole universe. and i want to have you like this,” jihoon hesitantly leans forward and places his head on soonyoung’s chest, “i want all of that, it’s just, it’s hard for me.”

jihoon doesn’t know exactly what his issue is with labeling the relationship, or why he’s so scared of being intimate even in the smallest of ways. but he knows he’s scared of all that, and he feels bad for putting soonyoung through it.

“it’s not you. it really is my fault; i mean it took 3 years of seungcheol and i being attached at the hip for me to actually call him my best friend. and i don’t doubt you, i just don’t trust the universe.” jihoon explains, head still on soonyoung’s chest, muttering the words quietly, as if there are more people in the room.

soonyoung nods, jihoon feels it in his movements, and presses a kiss to the crown of jihoon’s head, “that’s okay. it’s okay. i don’t need any labels or stuff like that, i just need you and as long as i know you want me then there’s nothing else in the world that could make me doubt that.”

jihoon exhales, body relaxing as soonyoung pulls him closer.

“and talk to me, if you need it, i’ll listen if you need to reflect or have to get something out. you’re human too jihoon, and i want you to be able to come to me if you need it. i’ve got you, no matter what the universe has in stall, i’ve got you.”

jihoon breathes easy for once and lets himself be held. they’ll be okay.

\---

jihoon requires a lot of internal emotional reflection. a lot more than people may realize. something that’s needed for someone headstrong and mentally stable, is reflection. it’s hard to live diligently without it. jihoon spends a lot of time thinking and reflecting, or sometimes, just letting his mind go, without worrying about where it’s going.

he doesn’t want to hurt soonyoung, he doesn’t want to make him feel like he isn’t enough for jihoon. and he knows that, were he to share these thoughts with soonyoung, that the taller would immediately shoot them down and declare that he doesn’t feel that way, but jihoon knows he does, he sees it in his eyes everytime he introduces jihoon to someone and doesn’t know what to call him. he hears it in soonyoung’s tone everytime he says goodbye among people, not able to say, “sleep well, i’ll call you, _i love you_”. they’ve been together (?) for almost two months now and it’s still unspoken.

jihoon feels how his heart aches for soonyoung to feel open and comfortable, to live himself without worrying about saying the wrong thing. his fingers itch to hold soonyoung’s hands when walking around campus. his lips wish to tell everyone he sees that kwon soonyoung is his. and that’s when he realizes. realizes that he wants soonyoung to be his boyfriend. he wants them to be boyfriends. eventhough they basically already are.

it starts small, him becoming accustomed and familiar with this new feeling.

when he rolls over in the mornings and sees soonyoung laying there, lips parted slightly and chest rising and falling steadily. when he gets to watch soonyoung wake up, as his voice turns from rough and soft into the perfect melodious it is usually, and when he gets to feel soonyoung kissing him goodbye before running off to the studio. in those moments he starts to think that maybe the intimacy between them, the silent agreements of how many sugars go in jihoon’s coffee or how much kimchi soonyoung likes with his rice, is okay.

when soonyoung drops by his place unannounced with take out and wine, smiling knowingly at jihoon’s heavy sighs and tired eyes, when soonyoung pulls him close and forces him to take a 5-minute break from writing and when soonyoung lets jihoon play with his hair. that’s when jihoon starts to feel like he’s truly loved.

and when soonyoung politely declines the confessions he gets from girls in hallways, slides the cute barista his phone number written on a napkin back and when he places his hand gently on jihoon’s thigh under tables when a waitress makes eyes at jihoon, that’s when he realizes that soonyoung is his and that he is soonyoungs and that no force of nature will change that.

so jihoon does the only thing he knows how to do and he writes his damned feelings into a song. and it’s the fastest he’s ever completed a song (a whopping 2 days.) the lyrics are the easiest, combine an absolutely smitten college boy with basic song structure and boom, you got a hit. the melodies are easy because jihoon wants to make soonyoung into a song, something exhilarating, beautiful, energetic. he records it the moment he’s done with the melody and saves it to his memory stick.

and then he stares at it. he stares at the file on his computer and taps rhythmically (guess the rhythm) on the table as he thinks about what to do with it now. he would play it to soonyoung but he can’t stand watching people listen to his music. he would perform it to soonyoung but god that’s cringey. he would-

_ding dong_

jihoon nearly falls from his chair at the sound of doorbell ringing. he picks up his phone absentmindedly to check the time, “2am! who the fuck?”

jihoon gets up quietly, making his way over to the door, doing his best to not alert the person outside that there is actual movement or life inside the apartment. if it’s some kind of weird ding dong murderer then he was going to make sure that he’s extra careful.

jihoon stands on his tip toes and looks out the key hole and low and behold, it’s no murderer (well, murderer of his ass) it’s just soonyoung.

“soonie.” jihoon smiles, opening the door, his, uh, _soonyoung? _looks at him happily, returning the smile.

he quickly steps inside, pulling jihoon into a tight hug “hey.”

jihoon hugs back, holding soonyoung close and kicking the door closed, “everything okay?”

soonyoung nods, burying his head in jihoon’s neck, “you’ve been gone for the past couple of days. i mean i knew you were fine but i wanted to come see you and i kept putting it off but now im here, i hope i didn’t wake you.”

jihoon shakes his head, twisting his head to the side and placing a tentative kiss on soonyoung’s temple, “no i was awake, it’s all good.”

soonyoung groans, “were you working?”

jihoon pauses for a moment, cocking his head to the side, “i guess. but it was labor free work, it was uh, for you.”

soonoyung jumps back at the mention of himself, he holds jihoon at an arm’s length and looks at him, eyes wide and a pout on his lips, “for me?!”

“yeah, i, i’ve been thinking…” jihoon comments, picking at his nails subconsciously, “about us.”

soonyoung lets out a worried breath, laughing it off nervously, “uh, care to expand on that?”

“i think, i mean, i feel like we could, like i could be okay, if we were to, i don’t know,” jihoon trails off momentarily, stepping a little bit closer to soonyoung who simply listens attentively, “be boyfriends?”

soonyoung gulps as soon as the words leave jihoon’s lips and he bites back a smile, “really? you’re sure?”

“100%” jihoon answers quickly, staring at soonyoung with a determined glint in his eyes, “will you, be my boyfriend then? you know, _officially, _and stuff.”

soonyoung nods vigiously, “yes of course you stupid! i – i,”

_love you?_

it lingers in the air, jihoon stares in anticipation and soonyoung just shakes his head, a happy smile growing on his face, “i’m really happy.”

jihoon laughs, “me too. i’m always happy with you,” he drags his hands up soonyoung’s arms, across his shoulders, to rest behind his neck, “and maybe, _surely, _i’m in love with you.”

soonyoung’s mouth drops at that as his eyes widen in surprise at jihoon’s confession, “you! stop making my heart suffer like this!”

jihoon laughs, a loud bubbly laugh, he feels like that’s the realest laugh he can give, “kiss me you fool.”

so soonyoung does, leaning down swiftly, connecting their lips smoothy. jihoon smiles into the kiss, raising onto his toes a bit to make it a little bit easier for soonyoung and carefully slides his hand into soonyoung’s hair, playing with the strands at his nape. soonyoung holds jihoon securely, close to him by the waist and sighs contently into the kiss as he feels jihoon’s fingers play with his hair.

and in that moment, with jihoon’s humidifier humming in the background and the front door not properly locked, neither of them can be bothered to have their minds occupied by anything other than one another.

\---

(bonus)

jihoons knuckles hit hard against the door repeatedly as he taps his foot impatiently. soonyoung is by his side, a happy giggle on his lips and his hand in jihoons. it takes a couple of seconds but after almost half a minute the door finally flings open and jihoon’s knocking halts.

“jihoon?! what the fuck do you want?!” seungcheol all but yells, shirtless and looking ready to kill jihoon with the straigtner he has in his hand, hoisted up as if he was expecting to use it as a weapon.

“i’m in love with kwon soonyoung!” jihoon screeches, seungcheol flinching in response and gaping at the two of them suddenly making out right in his doorway,

“what-”

“tell jihoon to tell us something new for once and come back to sleep!” a sleepy jeonghan yells from somewhere in the apartment and seungcheol nods, closing the door on the two who seem to have forgotten about their positioning.

“i’m moving back to daegu.” seungcheol mutters grimly to himself, treading back to his room.


End file.
